


Even So

by thelittlebirdthattoldyou



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Study, ENJOY!!!, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, I Tried, Introspection, M/M, just so I could make it more poetic and gross, now officially edited after an entire year, something like that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-10-06 09:12:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10331318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelittlebirdthattoldyou/pseuds/thelittlebirdthattoldyou
Summary: Three times Dean was in love.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Wow it’s been a year since I wrote this (or any fanfic in general, really) but I think I’m gonna come back to it! I edited a few things, so hopefully it’s better. Enjoy!

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.  
1 Peter 4:8

Dean Winchester holds his heart close to him, keeps it guarded. In his experience, opening it up has only meant heartbreak. But no defense is foolproof, no matter how hard he tries to make it so, and over time people have managed to wind their ways into his heart, carving out spaces for themselves in his chest.

When Dean was with Cassie, he was happy, or, at least, the closest thing to happiness he would let himself have. He had felt a spark of something unfurl inside him - something as fiery and passionate as Cassie herself. He hadn’t known what it was, at the time. All he knew was that it had hurt like hell when she’d told him to leave.

Upon later reflection, Dean realizes that maybe he had been just a tiny bit in love with Cassie, but by then there was no point in going back.

With Lisa, it was a different type of love. It was softer, gentler, like a red wine matured with age. There wasn't the same passion he felt with Cassie, but he knew he loved Lisa. It was comforting, and it was always there, thrumming under his skin like a drum telling him he was loved.

And when Lisa and Ben looked at him without any recognition in their eyes, a part of him shattered to pieces. He’s tried to tell himself that it was better than watching them slowly grow to hate him for everything he’d brought upon them. It didn’t do much to make him feel better then, and it still hurts to remember.

So Dean is cautious when it comes to his heart, and with good reason. He’s left it open too many times and it’s been broken as a result, shattered on fiery splinters and frozen in the cold of loneliness. He is cautious - or he should be, but he can’t stay away from Castiel no matter how hard he tries. Dean offers his heart to the angel on a silver platter and tells himself it would hurt more to stay away.

Being in love with an angel is terrifying. It’s flying and free-falling all at once. It’s as cruel and unrelenting as a thunderstorm and gentle as a spring breeze, and he thinks he could drown in it. He’s given his heart away to someone who could crush it both literally and figuratively, and trusting him not to. Sometimes Dean looks into those blue eyes and sees millennia of waged wars and a terrifying, bone-deep weariness reflected back at him. Sees Castiel, the righteous warrior of God. And in those moments, Dean thinks, shit, what am I getting into? But the spell is just as soon broken, when Cas frowns in that endearing way of his, or smiles, or laughs. And then he’s just Cas.

Cas, who Dean loves. Cas, who loves Dean and thinks Dean is worthy of that love.

Being in love with Cas is like nothing Dean’s ever experienced before - humbling, terrifying, awe-inspiring, and exhilarating all at once.

And, of course, it’s completely, utterly, perfect.


End file.
